heads, greet present tense
wishing over under ends
on and beyond edge

oath of balances
seeks body on mind distant
both sides of the coin

tails, fond past tenses
eternal chase on seasons
sly chains of wisedom

promise on sun spark
ink on birdsong crimson leaf
both sides of the coin

we are the unknown,
genesis.
no purpose.
free.
life

maps are where you want (should) go, water for the desolate blooms gratitude amongst elements and stars,
beings. transcending knowns. transcending you. us.
beliefs snake, fang and feather. trading wisedom and treasure. a fact an end. culling (blood) diamond.

age of discovery. 

Posthole 7"

detroit 96'
a wager cut on teeth
prologue muses on few vowels
void swallowing a message;
slams of angst
spun in cunning alluring souls 
siren octave chords pull to a pummeling moon
glint lux riffs pulled above water
to the familiar

sonic nods/notes: quicksand, fugazi. nyhc heads, upstate bands earth crisis. undertow from the west coast.
still life, lincoln, union young america.

land of inbetween; toronto, east coast, chicago, pnw west coast pipeline. midwest wanderers; molds a certain sound especially considering the time.

these are musings, scratches on a napkin to understand world and who. 




Sidekick Kato - First Class Chump lp

des plaines 5 before millennium
count what is convenient
ricochet ribbon shreds
spit upwards from a shadow 
shadow lone quiet kissing shrapnel caging thunder
brighter than this second sun
nay third
secret sewn marianna
faithful stance on faults
a grin of truth from and till end
knowing it will bleed
out of us
out of and to abyss
incense 

synonym skylarks: chicago--> braid, capn'jazz... 

i'll throw in the promise ring before Nothing Feels Good; check split with texas is the reason.





meadowlark - Revolver 7"

austin ninety-eight
northstar pupil
forgetting is destiny
is unfulfilled 
wheat sour to the sill
seasoned scape locks and braids
guilt a bow string for heart to love
rage hope change
outside the self the archer the nation
orion the belt nestles to the pocket
rip it inside out
empty what's left
when it's gone
it's gone collected again
laws of gravity rewritten
free of vocabulary
justice to the trumpet
solemn holds truth in chaos

sonic sigils: not northstar, if you dig the posthole 7"--> carbomb... 
by extension early 90s san diego scene--> heroin, second story window, antioch arrow...gravity records...ebullition





  grief takes hold never control





call a pug a dog------>

journal entry 1

churned in the yuletide and frostbite around the shortest day of the year

notes after watching my lai and mk ultra live sets on yt at fireside ca.99')
show-ers, tell-ers; listen-ers, do-ers. choose-ers--->i would like to be a do-er though nature has four seasons; to grow, to flourish, to decay and to die. what makes us people are the limits we nail ourselves down with; what makes us heartless is wielding the hammer. an honest beholding of the eye breaks all chains.  

independence-defiance-resolve, evolution; experience. if we are shaped by experience how can we expect to be the same?

i don't want to get lost and starve in the weeds and the tired talk: "punk--->by extension hardcore and the the umbrella was "better" back then...had something to "say","political"...bands today suck...punk lost its "edge" its "safe"...they're not "it."... is the drop of water every ignorant soul drowns in...the impending flood that birthed "punk rock". no king next to pilate.

pursue dreams, defy them, dreams make you-->you, let them be lofty, lowly and fly as you wish; icarus was grinning ear to ear, even as a burning missle piercing the earth. defy yourself.

like i said, there have been numerous "dissertations" from "historians" people who have actually been there lived it. unlike myself. and the last thing i want is to come off as "take you to school" preacher man. writing helps me contextualize.  
i want to point out some issues--> points, attitudes, some more or less in my view are shared amongst the old and new guard, as the eternal swords cross and clash.
of course considering the modern day and the swallowing plague of "discourse" and "content" , where we have numerous avenues "platforms" to instantly, conveniently share our views, commentaries, brainrot what have you; 
i feel inclined yet hesistant to say through a bitten tongue that i do think "punk", "art" ideas / perspective as a whole are entirely blunted despite how much we go on and on about a thing. our points have no point and it has become so much easier and convenient to just empty your cup in the carpet that "expression" "impression" "intent" it all suffers, we're stabbed through the chest nearly everyday yet we go on walking; they say deadmen tell no tales. 
whether this method of convenience and ease: "posting" ---> is effective and serves a "message" if there even is one considering the nature of the internet, becomes the real conundrum. 
as opposed to a ballet toeing the horrid death marches through the syrian desert. 

also consider the fact that life doesn't have a point. so what am i even going on about for? it just past midnight of the twenty-second day of december, twenty twenty-four; as i'm sitting here wrapped in all the clothes and blankets i can put on my body in front of my tiny electric heater typing away this drivel to get some feeling back into my fingers. 








footage courtesy of Theo Katsaounis (Tale of Genji, Stillwell, Joan of Arc)






 the pain of letting go is the pain of bleeding out without another death


amen



mk ultra...rorshac...minor threat... vegan reich...it doesn't need to be deep nor does it have to, it doesn't need to be at all if you ask me: genuine "authentic" the accursed word... write/make anything. there's a song off the first thrasher skate rock comp that's about fighting boredom and i think it's inspiring to any pulse just as much as it is cuttingly relateable. youth dies, wisedom dies. 
these are songs written by teenagers maybe young adults at the most that of course seemingly offer more tofurkey than the "trolls of today",
where one could for example argue are largely "not taking it seriously". these sentiments can be argued for any band that has ever existed...

Exhibit B: if we take a look at "modern" "contemporary punk", which sounds really stupid to say; 
if we take a look at "punk:" reactionary art born of the moment serrated-backed with a battle stance; 
I feel a majority of these battle stances today are towards mental health which is an incredibly noble battle if we feel the need to judge, compare, provide unsecure commentary/validation on current and past sparks of our expierences manifested in songs, photos, drawings, zines, labels, past the limit.  


 
  in a rubber room going back and forth with my shadow about the importance of the greyhound bus as the midwife to dc hardcore.



depression, anxiety, fatigue, disgust, anger, sorrow... unhinged feelings that are felt not only in the worlds evergreen strife but in our everyday lives.
compounded. wars, injustice, extinction, dust and mites swept under rugs...identity, family, loss... it's tied together one is not more important, we're all people, family; especially in "punk/hardcore/emo...the underground scene". what you back stands taller. 

the ancient plagues wreaking havoc on the body mind soul...the once unassuming creeping shadow of technology... culminating into a digital "new world order" same terms for same crimes.

the generations overlapping and following the intenet revealed the snake's head--->fangs and venom pumped into our psyche at higher rates and earlier ages, as well as in adults who are "forced" to comply as a means of providing for themselves/family.
once subliminally now out of ignorance, as speaking for myself, who is knowingly typing this document to be unfortunately seen after the same ads for athletic greens, men's warehouse, custom soap scents, car dealerships...fast food...content...cycle...seasons...
the cult-leader "algorithm" drives and rewards to the many who bend and break for pennies in a world that must end; when is beyond human knowledge and consequently worry. for hysteria is the hand around the neck. 

time is the agent for the drilling, deeper and deeper into our thoughts with the icy grip, is any muse our own?
one of the echoes from the dawn of humanity.  
to feel something without reason not attachment... feelings that seem black and white on paper like these.

we are complex beings, multi-faceted simply shown. often misunderstood. 
our attitudes, identity, feelings, opinions, hearts;
made to be shared argueably broken
though not lost.

and now we have to make decesions, consequence, regret, coping mechanisms...we have to live.
just speaking as a fellow human on this globe beep boop.



  hysteria forever loses the war against the present; the humble second.





Summary of the above subjectives previously stated by "credible" people found within my own expierences within a world i find important:
-punk is stll very much reactionary and unchanged, speaking of "ethics" not sonics, which "ethics" make the genre ("ethics" are subject to change to a degree). music is the vehicle. if you're bummed at the growing amount of bands "going for the bag," not that this matters/concerns us in anyway but i think almost everyone seeks themselves/others when first discovering this thing, entirely up to you; none of my buisness we don't owe anyone anything but at least give respect where it's due, all the best sincere wishes). please don't die for "punk guilt" or to walk around as a shadow of your former self. 
-"just want to make it" (i define as living comfortably within your means off of soley your art without having to pave parking lots/bag groceries and here's the biggie---> not be (too) involved with your "local" scene.)
of course punk and the umbrella has cataclysmically transcended "local" since it first did like 30 years ago (husker du and the minutemen toured europe like 10 years prior to that; shell-shock tedium degrees of seperation of mid 80s hxc.. so up to you when you feel "invaded"): musicianship, comraderie..."community" in a sense even the songs themselves one can make the case are "better", "accessible" and not be entirely refuted/beat outright by most. you can say bands are more "talented at what they do": performing, songwriting... ->"professionally" button to the nape nods bizarro. while (fore)bearers can go missing most of the beef and violence* (to a degree), no other can play/let alone come with we gotta know than mackey. heart-wrenching bass lines alla dave pitzel. there's a reason why literal armies of kinsella clone bands exist.  title fight bands...hatebreed...orchid...the one and only ink & dagger. fugazi ironically/unintentionally shoulder these knotting paths of a conceived "one size fits all" illusion of (commercial) "success", for better or worse; a mime in the street directing traffic while we parrot guy's voice. 
they're faced with a towering "false mirror" being built on a foundation they bled for. a lot of bands, people if they choose have learned/coped to put one foot in "both worlds" though as time goes on you can jump the accursed "local" bridge for better or worse; or rather demolish it outright as we've largely become a sounding gong in front of an abandoned temple(you can say that's always been the case hence "underground" and "subversive" "aggresive" music). to the mainstream it's a stereotype tacked to sound they (once) enjoy(ed), not "weirdos**" (people) who literally have no other home...hence the person still booking all ages shows in the rotating cast of vfw/religious instution/basement/restaurant living out of the same roating cast of apartments; which "most people" don't find to be too aspiring.   
you can argue bands of the past were/are more "punk", more unabashed in being the only person they know hot themselves, more unique as a result;
substitute the word "punk" for "better" i'm just looking at the forest through the trees through the odd energy i have at this odd hour of the early morn' and this is resembling an essay i wrote back as a kid in school which is dumb and funny yet oddly warming. meryy christmas / happy holidays :)
-"modern hardcore" SONICALLY is basically metal/thrash in undieing swagger, style, power, will + dope mosh part and/or groove if your heart's in nyc. the pillars stand ethically rather than sonically; which i feel over time is largely a good thing since you can look for any flavor of hardcore or "punk" under the sun and find it if you search hard enough. whether or not things are stale is another age old pointless battle of wits. check out the most recent Warkrusher lp Armistice and you'll see what i mean.   
-a future wave of awesome bands are going to have some heads who discovered "underground" music from sources you and/or your generation will vehemently despise. positivity. speaking from expierence, let it go. 
-we're overthinkers (i like assuming). the scene doesn't need anyone. we're not owed anything nor owe anything to anyone. a spade is a spade and always will be regardless who is there/knows. don't yuck the yum, share the yum with all/who will listen. don't get sick off the gumbo finish your plate props to the chef. graci donna adelina y maria! besides the point the niche sound we love/hate is always going on in some disheveled corner of the map as an enduring cockroach. that's rad and mind opening.
-don't curtail your "vision" to fit a specific "genre" write what you want; that could be a bossa nova bridge or a straight laced by the books regiment drill, it's all valid if you wish to make it so...which is exactly "punk". because you say so. 


i don't know why i decided to print my 7th grade creative writing assignment within these pages nearly two decades later. guess i've been so focused on all the change that's taken place since and never appreciate the small things that don't, that give meaning. 
 

*for the sake of
**27 year old power ranger laureate as opposed to "offender..."

if you're deep enough to suffocate you find something to love.
your in deep enough to find something to hate.
trends trends who what when where to care

i do worry about being a corn ball yet it's inevitable; been going through old skate zines, punk/hxc zines, bmx, video games... i find these "awkward" newborn stumbling deer moments: captions, interviews, write-ups, "scene reports", mailbag and classifieds as just that... "awkward": a snapshot of who people: you/i, were that speaks for itself...all by itself...yet i never learn to be someone else. 

the term "punk" and other associated tags and phrases, within this publication as well as indefinite usages/mediums; are the doomed thread of moirai cut to tie off a corporate packaged uniform sent to -------> generational doormats branded as cattle to be butchered, sold as cheap lifeless caricature meat pies across marketplaces until the herd dies off, "grows up"... let no one/thing on this earth define you. 

notes from a chronic rambler and overthinker, all the best life's not that serious :) 
let the new year bring more shoes
life stops when you don't pay attention